enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My ass is underappreciated
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
