Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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