so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
