I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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