I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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