Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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