Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
