I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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