is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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