So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
