Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
