I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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