I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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