I'm lost and stupid without you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
