i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
