A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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