I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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