it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
