this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
