Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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