I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
