You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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