I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
