The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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