Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
