I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Shame - the story of my life.
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