I want to walk on stilts...naked
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
