I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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