just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
