Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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