just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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