3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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