i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
