she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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