if you like me you must not know who I am
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
