I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
