You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
