uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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