who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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