I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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