she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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