So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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