How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
