Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
