i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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