Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
