Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
