none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
