he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
