NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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