its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
