his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
