Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
