o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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